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Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Week 38: A mild panic attack and a new perspective.


Writing to you from the 38th week of this pregnancy the blog post with little to no pictures in it.

This week literally has lasted years. I've felt pretty good up until this week. My hips are achy and my anxiety has been through the roof.

I debated on even talking about this because A. I didn't feel great about it. B. I was blaming myself, like good old fashioned mom guilt always does.

Starting at my appointment, my OB told me the baby was measuring small. She didn't say how small, and didn't really tell me much other than, Ok if on the growth scan he is indeed super tiny, we will induce and then walked out of the room. Now at the practice i'm at there are 6 different doctors. I see a different one each week so i'm familiar with all of them just in case they deliver me.

This was ok, until this week. As soon as she walked out of the room, I had a million questions that didn't have any answers yet. ***cue all the anxiety*** I had never met this lady before and now she's telling me something isn't right.

My OB loads all my paperwork online so I can view it anytime I need to. I went to take a gander at how small my baby was measuring. At 37.6, his fundal height was 33 weeks. Now I know fundal heights can be off the more the baby descends in the pelvis.

The first question in my head was, "what in the f*** am I doing wrong?!" I've gained an appropriate amount of weight, I eat right, I am exercising in a way that I've been doing this whole time (aka chasing a two year old).  My OB confirmed it wasn't any of these things, if anything it was most likely a placental issue.

So I see my perinatologist to do a growth scan. I'm not an OB RN so I didn't exactly know what I should be looking for or what questions to ask.

He said the abdomen is measuring 33 weeks, which means his birth weight will be lower. He was measuring 6lbs 4oz at 38 weeks. Which I mean is still pretty good, so I intently focused on this number. What I wasn't focused on was the overall picture. That the horrible thing about anxiety, it's a constant hurdle in your mind. One that sometimes you can't get over right away no matter what anyone tells you.

His femur length 75% and head circumference 95% measured fine.

It took one more OB visit and a Non-stress test to help me get to feeling ok, we're not inducing this baby and he can cook just a little bit longer.

Long story short: Everything is fine. I'm just really ready to meet this baby.

When I write this out, it's really all about perspective. We took Allie to Chik-fil-a for breakfast on Saturday so she could play. I noted there was a dad and his two adorable kids also playing at the play place, so we struck a conversation and he told me his son was a miracle baby (everyone tells you about their children when you're preggo, and I mean everyone). He said his son was born at 23 weeks and 6 days. Everything I was feeling about my baby currently wasn't that bad. He went on to tell us about his journey and that his wife had delivered at the hospital I was delivering at and how great the experience was.

It's funny how situations present themselves. I am a firm believer that God does show you different perspectives when need to see them.

Any who, y'all that was week 38. I'm glad it's over and done with.

Thanks for listening to all my rambles.

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