Tuesday, June 21, 2016

THE Birth Story.

This is one for the books y'all.

I sit here staring at my sweet little Allie girl, when I absolutely know I should be sleeping, but I can't help but think about this amazing journey and how quickly 12 hours went by and really how fortunate I am that it was only 12 hours.

June 4th had come and gone, and I was a little devastated. Why? Because I wanted my baby here and I was a little bit tired of being pregnant.

But like most babies, they come when they want. Allie had her own agenda.

Sunday, June 5th came and about 2:30am-3am I felt  a lot of random back pain, but I was able to sleep through it. So about 6:45am I woke and had to get up. My goodness, I had terrible pains in my back, but didn't really think anything of it, so I got on my labor ball and started bouncing away.

Progressively, my back pain was actually contractions started becoming more regular and so I started timing them. Some contractions would be 7-10 minutes apart, some would be 4-6 minutes apart.

I knew that if I showed up to Labor and Delivery like this, i'd most likely be sent home. I wasn't ready for that kind of rejection!

So at about 8am, I woke up Matt. I was not doing this all by myself. So naturally I sent him out to go get me breakfast. I knew if this was it, I was not going to the hospital hungry! Preggos are cranky enough, don't make them hungry!

So I waited until 9:30am to call the labor and delivery floor to confirm what I already knew, and of course they said to just try wait it out...

11:00am. Either I just peed myself or my water broke. Spoilers: WATER BROKE!

I called L/D to let them know I was on my way and what had happened. At this point, I couldn't speak through any of my contractions and couldn't believe I didn't feel them anywhere else other than my back. I guess I had weird expectations for these contractions.

Poor Matt. We headed to the hospital and I would one minute be ok and the next minute be breathing fire and wanting to murder him. I will tell you, we only live 15 minutes from the hospital, it felt like an eternity to get there. I felt like Matt was the slowest driver on the road and all the traffic in the world got in the way.

11:30am We get to the hospital, I get up to the room and am crying at this point through the contractions. I couldn't believe I couldn't hold it together. The nurse checks me and tells me at best my cervix is 2cm dilated. Holy crap.

I AM IRATE. I am going through all the contractions and nothing?! But then I'm relieved when the nurse tells me that my water did indeed break on it's own and I am being admitted!

WOOOOHOOOOOO! We were going to have a baby today!

Every breathing exercise went out the window. I didn't even attempt to pretend like this wasn't the worst pain I've ever endured in my life. So my nurse, Maureen, called the anethesiologist right away to do an epidural. The best executive decision my nurse made for me. This wasn't in my birth plan, but then again my birth plan pretty much went out the window..

Shoutout to all the women that don't get an epidural. I applaud you. However, I am not a hero.

Getting the epidural wasn't terrible. I didn't focus on anything, but knowing the pain was very temporary. Just as I got the epidural, I began to shake. (I knew for sure that my blood pressure would drop because of a physiologic response) So I just kind of dealt with it and gave Matt the ok to go to the car and get the pillows and all our stuff.

SO while Matt was out of the room. I started feeling really strange. My heart started racing and I couldn't stop shaking, the epidural had taken effect and I was not dealing well. I called the nurse and told her what was going on. Every time she tried to take my blood pressure it was sky high and my oxygen saturation was dropping. Before I knew it the nurse had called a rapid response and I saw the crash cart. HOLY SHIT. I had never been on this side of the crash cart before and made my anxiety sky rocket.

Long story short: I began having a full blown panic attack and turns out i'm super sensitive to pain meds in the epidural and so the Doctor cut the dosage in half. At this point I could move my feet and was feeling much better. No worries, Allie's status was perfectly fine the entire time, which is all I really cared about.

Meanwhile remember how Matt left to get our crap out of the car?!

Matt comes back to the room, and he sees everything going on, and has no idea what is happening. POOR THING. I felt horrible for him. He was filled in and everything was fine.

1:00pm: After I nearly scared my nurse half to death, she checked me and I was 5 cm dilated. THANK YOU JESUS! My body finally got in to gear! I couldn't believe it! It only took me having a panic attack!

We pretty much got the laptop out and watched HGTV the rest of the day. I couldn't sleep, I was just too excited. ** I should have slept. **

4:30pm: My nurse came into check me and I was 7cm dilated! I was definitely having this kid today. ***cue 4832795 different kind of emotions***

6:15pm: I had the sudden urge to bear down, kind of like you're needing to go #2 (Yes, remember you wanted to read this in the first place). My nurse checked me and sure enough, I was 10cm dilated and ready to push. So the next 30 minutes, Maureen coached me through some initial pushing and prepped the room. All could think is, "My kid would try to be born during shift change".

Oh irony.

If you didn't know, everything happens at shift change for nurses. I mean everything.

6:35pm: I'm starting to push with contractions. I continue to push for the next hour.

The doctor finally gets there, you know, to catch the baby.

Let me tell you something:  nothing prepares you to push for labor. Nothing. It's not like you can practice before hand. So I start pushing and continue to do so for the next hour.

7:00pm: My wonderful nurse, Maureen, is giving end of shift report as I feel like i'm dying, because mind you, my epidural is cut in half and i'm starting to feel ALOT. Matt is a champ and not only coaching me (holding one of my legs and telling me I can do it), but witnessing everything he didn't want to. I did get an amazing nurse to replace Maureen and then the charge nurse came in to help and turns out she was the childbirthing class instructor, I was so relieved she was there.

Everyone kept telling me, "omg she's almost here, keep going".  All I could think is, "well where the hell is she?!" "and stop telling me that if she isn't here by next push!!" At the point before she was born I do remember saying just "get this kid out of me". Apparently that was code word for an episiotomy. If you don't know what it is, Google it. Let me tell you kids: that was definitely NOT in the birth plan.

7:24pm: I heard the most wonderful sound in the entire world, a cry, my girl was born.
She was 8lbs, 7oz and 20.5 inches long. Her apgar scores were 9/9. I was thrilled. She was here and healthy as could be.

I just wanted to hold her. I couldn't because I was shaking (I got really cold) and my doctor had started the stitching process and wanted me to wait until she was done. She took forever.
Let me just say i'm not a huge fan of that doctor.

After birth thoughts:
  • OMG. I just birthed an 8 pounder, I was thinking she was 6 or 7 pounds at the most. 
  • Dang she has a lot of hair, now I know why I had all the heartburn. 
  • I really don't like this doctor.
  • I'm ready to hold my girl. 
  • Today at 7:24, I became a mom. 

When I held that girl in my arms, I didn't remember any of what just happened. I just remember all the joy I felt in that moment, to put in to words it's indescribable. All I could think was the wonderful stage of life I'm embarking on and how grateful I am to share it with someone like Matt.

When I looked over at Matt, I saw him for the first time as a dad. It was the most beautiful, amazing thing. He was a natural. I couldn't have picked a better partner for life and I am so proud this man is my child's father. We are so blessed.



Coming through the birth canal is hard. 


Please disregard how tired we look, while our daughter naps. 


Sweet little Allie Cat. 



You've stuck around for nine months reading my rants and rambles of pregnancy. Thank you.
Thank you for everyone who gave me advice and loved me through this part of my life. I will never forget all the support that came from my little corner of the internet.

Much love to everyone.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

An Open Letter to my dear girl.






Hello my Sweetest Allie Jade,

You don't know it yet, but i'm your crazy mom. I'm so excited for you to be here, you were prayed for a lot by your Dad and I.

Before you decided to make your way in the womb, my life was in a weird place. My career was not in the place I had envisioned and we had just moved to a place that I was sure I wouldn't make home. I had major soul searching to do to figure it all out.

Then there was you. Since you've been growing, I have done more praying and thinking than ever. I have so many things I want to teach and share with you. You made me feel more at home than anything. My perspective changed dramatically and all the silly things I thought before that were so important, no longer mattered. I suddenly had something very tangible to look forward to and you gave me more purpose than I could have imagined.

Thank you for that.

So I do have a few things I want you to know....

I want you to know that nothing in life is fair, sorry darling girl, there will be times you'll want to beat people in the face because they won't work as hard as you, but things will come easier to them.
There will be times you see things on the news that will scare you. There will be times where I can't explain to you why people do things they do. There will be lots of people in your life to help guide you. You will have fabulous teachers who will teach you all kinds of things, and help mold your mind. You will have lots of friends to share wonderful times and create lasting memories with.

You will grow up with people that will love you unconditionally.

If you are ever in doubt remember these things:

  • Praying to God will give you more peace of mind than anything else. 
  • People are more good than bad, there's a lot of love in this world, I know that for sure. 
  • Miracles happen everyday. 
  • Never stop asking why. 
  • Think for yourself, you'll get more out of it than if I tell you. 
  • Find a way to be happy, sometimes you have to create your own sunshine. 
  • The value of a memory is worth more than gold. 
  • Always treat someone who can do nothing for you with kindness. 
  • Always, always take a stand, even if you're standing by yourself. Your ideas matter.  
  • Work hard, this will always pay off, I promise. 
  • Books are wonderful, they can take you places. 
  • Money is not the key to happiness. 
  • Believe in yourself, there will be people that will tell you can't do something. Prove it to yourself you can. 
  • Last but not least, have fun and know that life is full of amazing things you can do, see and feel. 
I could go on and on forever, but I am sure you'll teach me way more than I will teach you. 

I'll love you forever.

I'm so glad you're finally here. 

Love, 
Mama

Friday, June 3, 2016

Week 39: Still pregnant and this is the last day of 39 weeks.

Oh Allie girl, you're giving me a run for my money. If this is any indication how your childhood will be, I'm in big trouble.

So punctuality has never been a strong suit for me. I literally have to leave super early to get anywhere on time. So naturally my offspring won't be any different.

This week has been pretty miserable. I knew I shouldn't have said I was sleeping well in the last post, because now, SLEEPING SUCKS.

I'd like to say i've been having contractions, but I can't. They have been weak Braxton Hicks contractions at best. And my cervix hasn't changed AT ALL. Neat.

So let me tell you something:  having a tilted cervix is not fun. If you have one like mine, getting checked for dilation is less than desirable. Especially when it's so tilted that it points to your backside.  

How is this baby ever going to leave my body?!


So we will wait and see what happens. 

Preggo thoughts: 
  • How many calories do you burn in labor? I wonder if anyone has ever figured that out. Not like I care, but I'd figure it would be as much as running a marathon.  #carbloadingitup
  • I have been getting really irritable in the afternoons. Like hormonal. I've just noticed it this week. Did anyone feel exceptionally emotional at the end?
  • My Greta girl and the cats have been very clingy this week. I hope they know something I don't! 
  • Why can't patience be one of my virtues?!


Until that special day when Allie decides to make her grand entrance, I have some pictures! 

Obligatory Week 39 picture: 


Some of the best pictures: LOVE these angel wings. You can find them in Hermosa Beach, CA!



I can't wait to put these shoes on our girl!


He was such a good sport with these pictures. I'm a lucky girl. 


I hope I feel as serene as this picture soon. I have to remember that sometimes it's not about my timing. This pregnancy really has been a blessing and I have so many things to be thankful for. 



Until next week!!